7 Extremely Important Things That Happened On "Riverdale" This WeekGet the Full StorySPOILERS!
We learned about Jingle Jangle:
There's a new drug in town, and it's called JINGLE JANGLE. It's part Viagra part pixie stick, but the best part of it is that this cast now has to say JINGLE JANGLE with a straight face all season long.
Penny Peabody saved the day:
The good news: Penny Peabody is the only fuckin' lawyer who happens to know the one loophole that would get F.P. out of jail.
The bad news: Her name is Penny Peabody.
The even badder news: She's evil.
Archie found out how Miss Grundy died:
Smithers is gone and I'm not okay:
I know Hiram Lodge has done a lot of fucked up things, but the worst one has to be getting rid of Smithers, the greatest character since Gossip Girl's Dorota. #JusticeForSmithers
Their milkshakes brought all the boys to the yard:
This seemed dangerous, but I'm glad that Melody finally got a few speaking lines.
Archie's got a gun:
For some reason, Dilton Doiley is the token GUN GUY of Riverdale and for some other reason he decided it was a good idea to give Archie access to a gun. This is not going to end well.
Pour one out for Midge and Moose:
Don't do JINGLE JANGLE, because you will get shot and die. Don't do jingle jangle in the missionary position. Don't do jingle jangle standing up. Just don't do it...okay, promise?
BONUS: THE TRUE DADDY HAS ARRIVED.