Aida Rodriguez: How an ADHD Diagnosis Transformed My Life

Get the Full Story"ADHD is just a child's brain's response to unmet needs," my therapist told me over a Zoom session. My mind was blown. I had never heard it defined that way, yet it made all of the sense in the world. I was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder ADHD in 2020 during the pandemic, and for me, it was a complete relief. For as long as I could remember, I'd been beating myself up for how long it took me to do things, my struggle with consistency, and the constant feeling that I was never doing enough.

When I was a kid, there was always something happening in my life. I was poor and my mother was making due as a single mom. As a result, like many other kids, I became a caretaker for my younger siblings. My own needs as a child were no longer a priority because I was the oldest and had to help. Even playing outside was a task because I was responsible for babysitting - I couldn't just be a kid. Doing my homework late at night without any help became the norm.

And to top this all off, my ADHD often got in the way of me being able to focus. I had a hard time paying attention, always feeling scattered. I would often get in trouble for talking too much in class. I constantly felt like I was hustling my way through school, doing everything and anything I could to get to the other side. I wasn't comfortable sharing my challenges with my mom because I didn't want to add to her pile of problems. The one thing that was not going to happen was a diagnosis, not in my family, not in my community. Telling my Latina mom that something wrong was going on in my brain was something she couldn't face. Having a child with a learning disability of any sort was also an implication that she did something wrong as a parent. My mom would not have that; she would kiss me through it and tell me that God made me perfect. I just had to try harder. And so I would have to secretly lament the exhaustion I felt from constantly pushing through. I managed to be an honor roll student, student council member, and speech and debate president. I still got things done, because regardless of what I was dealing with, I was not exempt from the consequences of being a bad student.

Telling my Latina mom that something wrong was going on in my brain was something she couldn't face.

School was an escape for me; my teachers provided a safe haven. I believe that even if they thought I was "hyper," they knew that I had an immense desire to be productive, helpful, and "good." My elementary school years were nurtured by educators who probably knew that I was dealing with some challenges at home and still gave enough of a damn to show up for me.

I grew up in a lower socio-economic community in Miami that was made up of mainly Latinos and Black people and all of the intersections within. I never knew one kid in my neighborhood who went to therapy. We never discussed mental health. It was only a topic when someone was declared "crazy," and we were told to just stay away from them. Therapy was expensive, as I know now, so it wasn't high on the priority list of basic needs for communities just trying to survive.

In my adult years, prior to my diagnosis, having my scattered brain led me down the path of depression. Being a mother - and a comedian, along with all of the other things that I was doing - had me in a constant haze. I felt overwhelmed, and that would make me freeze into paralysis. Constantly comparing myself with my organized and productive friends, I often questioned why I couldn't get it together. I would be in a perpetual state of setting endless goals and then condemning myself for not achieving them in a "timely" manner. The shame I collected through the years would not allow me to even mention what I was going through in my early therapy sessions.

Then, as a mother, was I not meeting the needs of my own kids? After all, they were the ones who urged me to get tested, and the thought of not being a good mother to them is what drove me to another doctor. I started working with a new therapist during the 2020 lockdown - a woman of color who has been ultra-sensitive to my insecurities. My needs were finally a priority. This doctor suggested that I take some tests. She was so matter-of-fact about it; it gave me a sense of ease to discuss it with her. When I got my initial diagnosis of Inattentive ADHD, I was actually relieved. Now, I could move forward with a solution, and my doctor had a plan of action that made me feel better. I started on an ADHD medication, Wellbutrin. But I eventually stopped taking it because it actually left me feeling more depressed. As a result, my doctor and I began to search for other solutions to address my symptoms.

One of my breakthroughs was accepting that routine can be the enemy of the ADHD brain. I would have to be OK with the way things worked for me. After not finishing things on time, the feelings I would experience would take me back to that place in my childhood when I didn't feel I was enough. Creating daily lists as opposed to scheduled tasks worked better for me, and learning to use the alarms on my phone was something I could lean on.

As a touring comedian, my schedule constantly changes; creating normalcy seems almost impossible. Finding some structure in my life while in constant motion has been instrumental. Traveling as much as three weekends out of a month in various cities and different time zones is exhausting. And oftentimes, creating a routine within that feels impossible, especially for someone like me. Finding a system where I use alarms to remind me of things I need to do regularly, like eat, drink water, and take my vitamins, has given me a sense of peace that I had never experienced before. I finally felt like I had more control over my life and my time.

More than anything, understanding what was going on in my head became my greatest pathway to freedom; accepting myself was the gateway to my joy. My therapist asked me to make a list of all of the things that I had accomplished, something I had never really done before. And here I was, taking a moment to reflect on all that I had done despite my neurodivergent brain. I managed to raise two amazing humans as a single mom. I had five comedy specials on major TV networks. I wrote a Harper Collins award-winning book and directed three comedy specials for HBO. The list was long, and I was shocked at my own bio. I couldn't believe all that I had managed to accomplish. I had spent so much time in my life scolding myself for not doing enough, and I had actually created some amazing things for myself. It took me taking that time to pause for a moment to give little me some grace and props, because I had been doing it all along - me and my fuzzy brain. I have my kids to thank for the nudge in the right direction. Ironically, it was my children who met my needs in adulthood.

Ultimately, this ADHD journey has been a meaningful one. It has been a long, hard road, but well worth it. Despite having a neurodivergent brain, I have been able to accomplish the things I set out to do and then some. As a mom, a woman, and an artist, the things I felt were deficiencies helped me develop strengths in other areas. I was available to my children in ways that other parents couldn't be because I never wanted to be the mom who wasn't there. As Latina women, we are always encouraged to tend to everyone's needs above our own, and it is important that we push back. Embracing my diagnosis has been one of the most powerful things I have ever done. It has enabled me to help myself. As a result, I have been able to show up for those in my life in the best way. Accepting myself just as I am is the one thing that has guaranteed me success - ADHD brain and all. At the end of the day, I am enough.

Aida Rodriguez is a comedian, writer, actor, and author - a favorite of critics and fans alike. Rodriguez's comedy special "Fighting Words" is streaming on Max, and she was a standout on the Tiffany Haddish-produced hit Netflix series "They Ready." She is a guest writer for BuzzFeed and Oprah Daily, as well as a regular commentator on "The Young Turks." She is also the host and creator of the podcast series "Say What You Mean."

Share: