PSA: Stop Asking Black Women If Their Hair Is Real

Get the Full StoryAlthough it's been nearly a decade since Solange dropped the cultural anthem "Don't Touch My Hair," the elan of its content is more relevant than ever. It's more than a song; it is a message for Black people to preserve themselves on all levels, including their hair. At the time of its release, the concept of a Black woman wearing her natural curls was less common on social media. Brands were only beginning to acknowledge the ins and outs of nourishing Black hair, and there was a new surge of creators embracing their curls and coils without apology.

Flash forward to today, and more of us have realized that celebrating our Blackness means finding beauty in all of its forms, including our hair in its most natural state - regardless of who had an issue with it. As a Black woman who grew up without a single ounce of heat applied to my hair, thanks to my mom's steadfast commitment to hydrating my curls, this movement was liberating. But that still hasn't stopped people from constantly asking myself and many others, "Is that your real hair?"

If I had a dollar for every time I got this question, I could pay for a private concert from Solange. Growing up, I heard it almost daily; I could be at the mall or a family gathering and someone would noticeably stare and then comment on its length - some of it praise, some of it curiosity, and other times criticism. It didn't always annoy me, partially because it often came from the mouths of people who looked like me. Some would ask with utter shock on their faces, followed by amazement, while others would ask with hints of jealousy. In hindsight, I realize that it wasn't only non-Black people who had difficulty believing that Black hair could be so long - we too didn't deem our hair as valid.

In recent years, the question became less frequent, which led me to believe that society had finally come around to accepting the duality of Black hair. Unfortunately, that's not exactly the case. Recently, I came across a video of TikTok creator Demi Mykal, who's known for her relatable curly hair content, where a white woman complimented her hair and asked where her wig was from. She began documenting her experiences to make people see that Black women can have long hair.

"I feel as if society has a set view on what Black women are supposed to look like and act like, and I really want to make it known that we're not a monolith," Mykal tells PS. "It's important to see all of us, which is why I not only love wearing my hair in a curly 'fro, but I also enjoy having different color highlights. I love to show people that it's possible for us to have curls real hair, and we also can embrace it in many ways."

demimykal not the gaslighting #curlyhairproblems #curlyhairstyles #curlyheads original sound - demi mykal

While you should never ask whether a Black woman's hair is real, for any reason, Mykal has a theory for why some people feel entitled to: it's what mainstream media has portrayed. "I've noticed that people typically associate Black women with 'wearing wigs' or even 'not being able to grow their hair," she says. "You typically don't see Black women in movies or on TV wearing their natural hair."

Throughout the rise of Black television and cinema, the majority of women wore their hair in relaxed or straight styles, with natural curls being a rare sighting up until recently - Tracee Ellis Ross being one of few at the time. Mykal argues that this stems from phenotype after noticing various occasions where she's the one questioned about her hair out of her friend group, while her lighter or non-Black friends aren't.

"People often associate 'dark skin' people with not being able to have real hair or this term 'good hair,' so when they see curls on me, they automatically think it's fake because of that stereotype," she says. As much as Mykal has been praised for her hair, she's often told that it could be seen as a wig because her scalp isn't always visible, showing society's unwillingness to accept anything outside of European standards of beauty.

Regardless of someone's reason for asking or who it comes from, there's one bottom line to learn here: never question a Black woman's hair. Solange brilliantly wrote, "Don't touch my hair, When it's the feelings I wear. Don't touch my crown, They say the vision I've found."

It's true: our hair is the feeling we wear. It is a source of pride and strength - our glory, our power. It's a reflection of who we are and how we show up in the world - and that, frankly, is not up for debate.

Naomi Parris is a New York-based fashion and beauty writer with over seven years of experience. She served as an editorial operations associate at PS, specializing in all things fashion. Her work has also been seen in Elle, Essence Girls United, Bustle, and Elite Daily. Obsessed with telling stories that merge fashion and culture, her areas of expertise include Fashion Week coverage, high-profile interviews, shopping roundups, op-eds, and beauty stories.

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